A boy was biten by a sea vampire during a visit to the beach at Hammonassett State park yesterday. Strange markings could be found on the young man’s neck. He exhibited fatigue and a reluntance to attend school.

Avoiding school isn’t considered unusual this time of the year; but the sudden fatigue, inability to finish his french freedom fries, and discolorations around the neck wounds are unusual according to neighborhood para normal investigator Melvin Frank. Mr. Frank indicated that sea vampire attacks are common in August as the creatures like to get in end of summer feedings before the beaches empty.

Naturally his parents were ready to accept the idea that sun burn and running around all day were the cause of the symptoms. A concerned neighbor was not ready to agree and contacted the school to alert them to the potential problem. “Students often return to school in complete denial about their encounters with the undead. They often believe their situation is so unique that no adult could possibly understand. Our students need to know that we are ready to believe them. And should they be infected, the community can feel safe knowing that school personnel are prepared to quarantine contaminated students until the CDC can be on site.”

Jake S., maintenance engineer at Peckham Park found a little girl crying this morning. When he asked Sara J. why she was crying, she told him that her new kitten was missing. As luck has it, Jake was part of the United States Army’s ESP experiments during the 1970’s. He developed a skill known as ‘remote viewing’ which enables Jake to find things which could be located miles away.

Although Jake had not used his skills in many years, he decided to try remote viewing to help Sara find her cat. It took him a few minutes to get his mind into a zone in which it would seek out the kitten. “Mr. Smith seemed to go into a trance, I thought something was wrong” Sara told MI. “I was ready to get help, then Mr. Smith started talking. He told us where Snuggles was hiding”.

They walked over to the location Jake saw in his mind’s eye. It turns out Snuggles was playing with a small snake under a pile of discarded tires that were illegally dumped. Snuggles was found to be in good health, but they didn’t get there in time to save the snake.

A local couple, living at Lake Beseck, is harboring three human-reptilian hybrids. The aliens are believed to be children being raised by the van Middlefield family. Nobody in the area has any idea that the aliens were living in the neighborhood. They appear to be completely human, although they are all abnormally tall. They seem to enjoy things most kids like, television, cell phones, and French fries.

MI asked the van Middlefield’s how they would handle telling the kids the truth about their origins.  “We tried to convince the kids about their identity and heritage, but they wouldn’t believe us even though they all accept that they are a little different. Finally we told them they were half Dutch. They bought this story.” said Michael van Middlefield. The van Middlefield’s wouldn’t say how they adopted the children, but said they loved the hybrids unconditionally.  “We’ll continue to raise them like they are our own kids.”

On July 12th residents of the Lake Beseck area were dishearten to experience yet another power outage. After hurricanes Sandy and Irene, plus the surprise snow storm of October 2012 residents of the area are familiar with long duration power outages. Some residents had their generators running in moments.  Other residents resigned themselves to the darkness of the evening.

On the condition of animity, a CL&P employee told MI that a trio of zombies were found chewing on the cables around a transformer. Police were called in, but before they arrived the electrical current destroyed the creatures as they chewed through the cables.  When their bodies burst into flames, the fire department was called. CL&P had the power restored within a couple of hours.

While listening to the Commander Aleon Sunday morning radio show (which can be heard Sunday mornings on WESU 88.1 FM), an unsuspecting family became catatonic. The Fredericks family are big fans of the show’s new age music and are regular listeners of the show. Mrs. Eloise F. said nothing like this has ever happened before. Mrs. F. was in the kitchen cooking when her husband and children suddenly became stiff and had a strange stare when Commander Aleon began channeling Commander Starene from the Andromeda galaxy. Intense trembling occurred when the Commander Starene became irate about Earth’s refusal to teach meditation in its public schools.

Eventually, the channeling ended. When the music resumed,  the family came out of its catatonic state. They had no recollection of the event. Afterward, the children expressed a desire to study meditation. Mrs. F. insisted on listening to the Oprah Network to prevent this from ever happening again.  Disagreeing, Mr. F. said they wouldn’t be doing that, insisting that Oprah isn’t in tune with the cosmic joy and love that comes from the universe.

MI does not know if any member of the family, or if Commander Aleon is seeking mental health treatment at this time.

Authorities were stunned to learn about the experience little Johnny S. had recently on his way home from school. While crossing one of the many streams near Route 147, little Johnny was allegedly accosted by a pair of uncouth trolls. The trolls demanded payment for crossing ‘their’ streams. Johnny told them he didn’t have any money, but offered his debit card instead. The trolls threw the plastic away in disgust. Johnny then offered his school lunch card (which had been just refilled that day), but again the trolls wouldn’t have anything to do with the plastic. They wanted hard cash. With nothing left to offer, the trolls began pelting Johnny with rocks. “I didn’t know what to do. I was told not to ever fight. I couldn’t turn away, because I had to go home. So, I just cried.” Eventually the trolls got bored and left; but not before Johnny was bruised and filled with shame.

MI doesn’t know if police or other local authorities were contacted about this incident.