Month: September 2014

Home Birth Surprise

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Last week a Lake Beseck saw a home birth with a big surprise. A woman give birth to a litter of puppies. Nobody was expecting anything but a normal delivery. Prenatal care was given to the mother during the entire term of the pregnancy, and didn’t indicate anything unusual. The father is completely human, and healthy. So, there was not any reason to believe something like this would happen..  A total of five puppies were born, and according to the veterinarian they are all perfectly healthy and appear to be happy.

BeatriceLitter2wks

“I’ve helped deliver over 30 kids, but this is the first time I’ve delivered puppies…They are kind of cute.” said Katie B, a respected mid-wife from Cromwell.  While initially shocked, the parents are excited by the new borns.  “In some respects this is a blessing.  We won’t have to worry about buying phones, or paying for college.  Puppy training is a lot cheaper than back-to-school shopping.” said the father, who requested that MI withhold his and his wife’s name.  “They are so cute and cuddly.  My only concern is that they’ve been a little rough on my teats…I confess they are a little sore after taking care of them all. We’ll be switching to formula soon.”  When asked if they are planning on having anymore kids, the happy couple said “Not for a while…And we’ll probably get an ultra-sound done.  We wanted to the gender to be a surprise, but we got more than we bargained for.”

[Editorial note] Perhaps genetics testing is in order as well?

Not everyone is so excited.  Many wonder how could something like this happen?  Is it a curse? Was something unnatural taking place?  Was the family involved in witch-craft?  Susan B, from southern Middlefield said “We all know the folks from Lake Beseck aren’t right.  Strange things happen up there.  I’m sure this is just another case of bestiality.  Frankly, those puppies along with the other lake kids should be kept out of Region-13’s schools.”  Given the father’s comments, Susan B shouldn’t have to worry about the puppies entering school any time soon.

Black-eyed Kids Collect for UNICEF

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Mindy K, a Middlefield woman, reported to police that a group of kids were collecting money for UNICEF.  Initially, Mindy was ready to help, but as she reached for her purse, she reports she felt something terribly wrong.  Mindy said that when she looked up, she noticed that these kids didn’t have white in their eyes.  The eyes were completely black! The feeling of dread got worse for Mindy.  She told the kids, that she couldn’t help, and attempted to leave.  The kids wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.  They pleaded and continued to shake their UNICEF collection boxes.  Mindy reported to the police that the sound didn’t come from the direction of the kids, instead the sound of their pleas seemed to come from every direction at once.  Terror over came Mindy until she started her car and drove away.  When she took the police back to the site of the incident, the black-eyed kids were gone.

Although this isn’t the first siting of black-eyed kids (a.k.a BEKs), this is the first known incident in Middlefield, CT.  The initial reports of BEKs came in 1998, with the kids pleading with the potential victims for help.  Most of the time, the BEKs want permission to be invited into the victim’s home.  Mindy K’s experience is the first time a BEK claimed to be collecting for a children’s charity. Police recommend being careful before giving your money to anybody.

Giants found buried in Lake Beseck

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Although it is behind schedule, work at the Lake Beseck dam continues.  Workers dredging material from the lake bottom were shocked to find burial mounds a 100 yards from the dam.  When town authorities initially investigated the mounds, they were thought to be the graves of early town settlers or of the native Mattabeseck Indians that originally lived in the area.

These ideas were quickly dismissed when the skeletons were found to be over 10′ in length.  Although abnormally tall, the skeletons appear to be humanoid in shape.  The shortest body was 10′ 4″ tall, and the tallest was 11′ 6″.  The bones were the only surviving elements. Clothes had rotted away, and there weren’t any other objects found.  Town officials have called in Anthropologists from nearby universities for their expert opinions; however nobody at this time wants to discuss the possibility that another race of creatures inhabited this area.

Town officials were unavailable to discuss the find.

Labor Day Picnic Nightmare!

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MI just learned that tragedy struck a Rockfalls family this past Labor Day.  A family picnic came to an end when 45 year old Mikey Z suddenly burst into flames.  It is the latest case of spontaneous combustion in Middlefield. Mikey Z complained about feeling warm all day long. But given the day’s high temperatures and high humidity, nobody thought much about his complaints.  Instead, Mikey’s was given a hamburger loaded with habanero peppers. MI research learned that these peppers are known as the infamous “10 Alarm pepper”, which come from the Caribbean.  Witnesses report that initially Mikey turned a little red, but seemed to enjoy the burger and asked for another.  He continued to eat and everyone else continued to enjoy the afternoon.

peppers

Suddenly, Mikey stiffened up and the family realized something was wrong.  Unidentified witnesses report that he immediately started to smoke while his skin carbonized.  In seconds flames burst forth from his skull and then his chest causing panic.  Everyone ran.  One of the guests had the foresite to get a hose and spray Mikey down, but by that point it was too late.  Mikey was incinerated.

Eventually paramedics and police arrived; but there was nothing to be done.  Medical authorities are at a loss to explain what happened and were not willing to comment to MI about this case.

Dog Faced Boy joins the circus!

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MI is pleased to report that Middlefield resident Chad W., has made the decision to leave home and join the Kansas Traveling Circus.  Chad is famous throughout Middlesex County because of his fluffy facial hair and whiskers.  He’s become known as the Middlefield’s “Dog Faced Boy”.  His classmates have commented that the fur does make him look like a dog..kind of..but describe Chad as more of a pug because he doesn’t have a snout.

While we at MI are sad to see the Chad leave town, we have no doubt that he will make us proud being a member of the KTC side show act.  “I hate to leave home, but this is a real opportunity to get into show business.  It lets me use my natural assets… and its a way to make people happy.”

Chad said he is leaving home in the next week, and begins rehearsals with the rest of the circus right after.  He expects to make his public debut before the end of the month.  Sadly, the Kansas Traveling Circus doesn’t come to Connecticut so we won’t be able to see Chad in action.

Fedor_Jefticheff_Jeftichew_JoJo_the_Russian_Dog_Faced_Man