Jake S., maintenance engineer at Peckham Park found a little girl crying this morning. When he asked Sara J. why she was crying, she told him that her new kitten was missing. As luck has it, Jake was part of the United States Army’s ESP experiments during the 1970’s. He developed a skill known as ‘remote viewing’ which enables Jake to find things which could be located miles away.

Although Jake had not used his skills in many years, he decided to try remote viewing to help Sara find her cat. It took him a few minutes to get his mind into a zone in which it would seek out the kitten. “Mr. Smith seemed to go into a trance, I thought something was wrong” Sara told MI. “I was ready to get help, then Mr. Smith started talking. He told us where Snuggles was hiding”.

They walked over to the location Jake saw in his mind’s eye. It turns out Snuggles was playing with a small snake under a pile of discarded tires that were illegally dumped. Snuggles was found to be in good health, but they didn’t get there in time to save the snake.

A local couple, living at Lake Beseck, is harboring three human-reptilian hybrids. The aliens are believed to be children being raised by the van Middlefield family. Nobody in the area has any idea that the aliens were living in the neighborhood. They appear to be completely human, although they are all abnormally tall. They seem to enjoy things most kids like, television, cell phones, and French fries.

MI asked the van Middlefield’s how they would handle telling the kids the truth about their origins.  “We tried to convince the kids about their identity and heritage, but they wouldn’t believe us even though they all accept that they are a little different. Finally we told them they were half Dutch. They bought this story.” said Michael van Middlefield. The van Middlefield’s wouldn’t say how they adopted the children, but said they loved the hybrids unconditionally.  “We’ll continue to raise them like they are our own kids.”

On July 12th residents of the Lake Beseck area were dishearten to experience yet another power outage. After hurricanes Sandy and Irene, plus the surprise snow storm of October 2012 residents of the area are familiar with long duration power outages. Some residents had their generators running in moments.  Other residents resigned themselves to the darkness of the evening.

On the condition of animity, a CL&P employee told MI that a trio of zombies were found chewing on the cables around a transformer. Police were called in, but before they arrived the electrical current destroyed the creatures as they chewed through the cables.  When their bodies burst into flames, the fire department was called. CL&P had the power restored within a couple of hours.

While listening to the Commander Aleon Sunday morning radio show (which can be heard Sunday mornings on WESU 88.1 FM), an unsuspecting family became catatonic. The Fredericks family are big fans of the show’s new age music and are regular listeners of the show. Mrs. Eloise F. said nothing like this has ever happened before. Mrs. F. was in the kitchen cooking when her husband and children suddenly became stiff and had a strange stare when Commander Aleon began channeling Commander Starene from the Andromeda galaxy. Intense trembling occurred when the Commander Starene became irate about Earth’s refusal to teach meditation in its public schools.

Eventually, the channeling ended. When the music resumed,  the family came out of its catatonic state. They had no recollection of the event. Afterward, the children expressed a desire to study meditation. Mrs. F. insisted on listening to the Oprah Network to prevent this from ever happening again.  Disagreeing, Mr. F. said they wouldn’t be doing that, insisting that Oprah isn’t in tune with the cosmic joy and love that comes from the universe.

MI does not know if any member of the family, or if Commander Aleon is seeking mental health treatment at this time.

Authorities were stunned to learn about the experience little Johnny S. had recently on his way home from school. While crossing one of the many streams near Route 147, little Johnny was allegedly accosted by a pair of uncouth trolls. The trolls demanded payment for crossing ‘their’ streams. Johnny told them he didn’t have any money, but offered his debit card instead. The trolls threw the plastic away in disgust. Johnny then offered his school lunch card (which had been just refilled that day), but again the trolls wouldn’t have anything to do with the plastic. They wanted hard cash. With nothing left to offer, the trolls began pelting Johnny with rocks. “I didn’t know what to do. I was told not to ever fight. I couldn’t turn away, because I had to go home. So, I just cried.” Eventually the trolls got bored and left; but not before Johnny was bruised and filled with shame.

MI doesn’t know if police or other local authorities were contacted about this incident.

It was a tragic site at Middlefield’s dog park this past week when visitors found the remains of little Mr. Puggles, a three year old pug. Mr. Puggles was found inside of the small dog area of the park. The unidentified owners claimed “We thought we were doing the responsible thing by putting our precious Mr. Puggles in the small area “. Undoubtedly they meant to protect him from the dogs running around the large dog area.

The owners left Mr. Puggles unattended while they hiked the trails around the dog park. They came across a party on the hill top, and didn’t return until the next morning. Upon their return, Animal Control was on the scene along with a traumatized family. That’s then they learned that giant mosquitoes attacked Mr Puggles draining him of his blood. Animal Control credited Mr. Puggles with taking out of few of the bugs with him. Of course this is small relief for everyone involved.

The mosquito is believed to be the giant sized Psorophora ciliata, originally found in Central America. While unheard of in the north east, entomologists have warned that global warming is causing the habitat to expand for a variety of insect species normally found in tropical regions. Animal Control indicated that this is the first sighting of this insect in Middlefield.

Terrified residents have called for the use of DDT to eliminate the mosquito population. Of course one unnamed environmentally conscious resident asked “What would Rachel Carson say about using DDT to protect the neighborhood?” In response, MI was told “We’d rather have a few muties around here rather than see our children carried off by giant critters.”

No decision has been made about charging Mr. Puggles owners with animal endangerment.